MOMS the Word

By SUE NOWICKI
snowicki@modbee.com

Compiled from the Modesto Bee on Sunday, May 13, 2007.

Tracy Pugh, an East Coast transplant, moved to Modesto several years ago with a 4-month-old infant and a desire to be a stay-at-home mom.

"That was great for a few months, and then I started going crazy and making my husband crazy," Pugh said. "I decided I needed a way to meet people. My husband saw an ad in the newspaper for MOMS Club and said, 'Maybe this is something you can check out."

"I did, and it saved me. I met other moms adjusting to staying home. I talked to other moms who had kids the same age as mine. I highly recommend it, and so does my husband."

Hundreds of moms in the Central Valley are involved with MOMS (Moms Offering Moms Support) clubs from Manteca to Merced. They meet weekly for play groups, outings to parks and zoos, and even specialized activities, such as scrapbooking or book clubs.

Pugh, who has three children, no longer is active in the club, but said the experience has had a lifelong impact.

"I didn't know anybody (here) until MOMS Club. The women I met in the first couple of years are still my closest friends. MOMS aren't cliquey or catty, just a good group of women."

Pugh enjoyed the MOMS Club thanks to the work of Meilynne McKenzie of Riverbank. When she moved to Modesto from her native Texas in 1998, she had two preschoolers and was pregnant with her third daughter. She would have loved to plug into a MOMS Club in the area. Problem was, there wasn't one.

McKenzie decided to be a stay-at-home mom in Texas after her second daughter was born in 1997. But like Pugh, the former manager of an upscale furniture store discovered that stay-at-home mothering is difficult.

"I started breaking out in hives and fought with Emily (then 2) all the time," McKenzie said. "I thought I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. I couldn't sleep."

"Then I found the MOMS Club and found this group of women who were just like me. I decided I was the poster child for the MOMS Club. They were experiencing exactly what I was experiencing — the sleep deprivation of having a toddler who's acting out when you have an infant. They were so welcoming, and they were just like me. I found a play group, so Emily got the play that she needed with other kids, and I had the socialization that I needed."

Then her husband took a job in Modesto, hundreds of miles away from their families and the MOMS Club. McKenzie said she "freaked out" about the move, but figured things would be OK once she got involved in a new MOMS Club. So she e-mailed the international organization. The reply: There is no MOMS Club in or near Modesto, but you can start one.

Open house is first step

So she did in late 1998. McKenzie said the international MOMS Club is very supportive and sent her a binder that spells out everything a person needs to do to start a new club.

The first step is an open house, often at a park.

"I lived off of Carpenter Road, so I only knew things from Carpenter Road to Highway 99," she said. "So I picked a park in Salida. Maybe 20 women came. I stood on a picnic table and the lawn mower guy started mowing around me. I'm yelling over the roar. It was so crazy; what else can happen?"

"But about 10 wanted to do it. They signed up and gave me checks. They were signing up for a book club that didn't exist. I just wanted to create the club as fast as I could before my baby was born."

"We had all these activities, like a park day and a fire department tour. Within the first month, I probably had 15 to 20 members. One mom was a bookkeeper and said she wanted to help out. She was my first board member."

Amelia McKenzie was born Nov. 5 that year. While McKenzie's mom was in Modesto to help with the new baby, McKenzie took an afternoon without the children to drive to Oakdale to ask one of the MOMS members to take on the role of club vice president.

"The car is completely silent, which is strange," McKenzie said. "I'm hormonal. My mom's visiting, but she's leaving soon. I'm exhausted because of sleep deprivation."

"All these emotions are pouring over me. I realized how much I missed having my mom around all the time. I started asking, 'Why am I here? Why aren't I back in Texas?' And I felt God talk to me. He said, 'This is why I brought you to California. You need to start this MOMS Club."

"So from that day, it was like OK, I'm on a mission from God. I'm going to start this. It was really amazing."

'Sistering' new chapters

The clubs are not religious, but she said her mission was divine and the results came quickly. MOMS Clubs are advised to "sister" a new club when they reach 50 members. So in 2000, the Modesto MOMS Club started the Modesto-North club for all moms living north of Briggsmore Avenue. In 2002, the Modesto-North club sistered the Modesto-East chapter for those living north of Briggsmore and east of McHenry Avenue. The original club changed its name to Modesto-Central.

Since then, MOMS Clubs have been established in Ripon/Salida, Turlock (East and West clubs), Patterson, Sonora, Ceres/Hughson, Escalon/Oakdale/Riverbank, Manteca, Merced, and Valley Springs and Stockton (the latter two aren't active at present).

Clubs also have sprung up in Fresno (three chapters), Visalia, Porterville and Ridgecrest, although they are not affiliated with the Modesto chapters.

'It just made me feel so good'

At a regional luncheon in Sacramento in 2001, McKenzie met Mary James, who founded MOMS Clubs in 1983.

"She said, 'Oh, you're Meilynne. You're the one who brought MOMS Clubs to the Central Valley.' It just made me feel so good," McKenzie said.

Through the years, McKenzie was asked to take on regional and state responsibilities for MOMS. She is now the valley's state coordinator for Northern California.

Although her girls have grown, she stays active in her local club.

"When your kid reaches school, you're not done," she said. "They have 'mommy play groups' when all your kids are in school. They get together and do mom-oriented things — go antiquing or go get your nails done. It's really fun. Sometimes it's just going for coffee and chat time. You still have kid issues or mom issues. We discuss in-laws, budgets, Christmas decorating — it's way more than just discussions about kids."

And the kid issues change constantly.

"The youngest mom in my chapter was 19 or 20," McKenzie said. "She had two little kids. It was a really great experience for her and for us. Then we have moms who may have had their first child when they're 40. They're struggling with other issues. But the age kind of disappears because we all care about the same things — we want to raise our children well."

Along with the mom and child events, the MOMS Clubs all do local service projects. And internationally, a Mother-2-Mother Fund was started in 1994 when the Northridge earthquake hit. It gives grants to MOMS members affected by such disasters and also gives the local club a national connection.

"When the World Trade Center was hit (on Sept. 11, 2001) there were four MOMS (members) who lost their husbands," McKenzie said. "They couldn't even get a death certificate to get insurance. So we (the international MOMS Club) cut them a check for $10,160 each. When Hurricane Katrina hit, same thing."

"We do fund raising every year and cut a check for that fund. We've had moms here in Modesto who have received grants. The president from Modesto-North died of a heart attack completely unexpectedly. We were able to provide child care and grief support for her husband. In Valley Springs last year when the big flood came, one of our members had everything destroyed and then mold came. She got a grant. The fund is there if there is a need."

Service projects required

Rose Montoya, one of the early Modesto members, said the service projects are a highlight for her.

"I really enjoyed helping decorate at Haven (Women's Center). I totally loved that. Another service project we did is cooking demonstrations for parents at Laura's House. It was fun seeing some of the less vocal moms in our groups; their personalities came out when they were doing something they enjoyed."

Doing a service project each year that benefits mothers and children is a requirement of each chapter. The Modesto clubs have installed bookcases and filled them with children's books for the women and children's building at Modesto Gospel Mission; sorted clothes for Parent Resource Center; and given moms in shelters clothes and tips for interviews, among other projects.

One result of all those play groups and service projects? Montoya said the connections never really end.

"I still run into moms whose kids were in my daughter's first play groups," Montoya said. "You see them at soccer matches or other places. It's kind of fun."

Candace Loomey, 31, of Ceres, echoes her sentiments. The Ceres club president and mother of two, ages 2 and 4 months, moved to the area a couple of years ago and heard about MOMS through a relative.

"The best part is the support of other mothers, sharing experiences and being able to rely on their advice about raising children," she said. "We're fun, we're supportive, we have a great group of moms. We're different, because we're very structured. It's not a wing-it kind of thing."

Bee staff writer Sue Nowicki can be reached at snowicki@modbee.com or 578-2012.